Commitment Email Attached:
I am posting the following email because I have to remind myself I am worth staying in the game. I have to remember why I can't go through this alone - and that it is okay to ask for help. As scary and as horrible as The World can get, it's easy to forget we are not alone.
If you are a rape survivor, I beg you to not give up like I have wished too many times to count. Remember The World would not throw us any curveballs unless we are able to dodge them or, better yet, hit 'em out of the park.
My rapist was a baseball player.
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2006 21:26:49 -0800 (PST)
From: (The Missing Link)
Subject: Re: angela shelton and stephen
To: (Landlord/Neighbor/Dear Friend)
hey nancy... just wanted to say thanks for stephen's number - but more that, thanks for the constant reminders that i do need help w/this... more than i may know. i have tried all kinds of counseling - group at (college), one-on-one at the rape crisis center and even reading on this stuff on my own. but its not over for me for some reason or another. despite how drained i am and how long my nights are, i have to keep trying, right?
after playing phone tag for a little while, stephen and i finally connected. he's placed me on both of his waiting lists and we'll see which one provides an opening first. after that, we'll see what happens. he is pretty costly, but i figured that i can have the $$ saved by then - at least for the initial appt because i have to try. he did say he can connect me w/more affordable people in town if i prefer, but im going to give him a shot.
in addition to stephen's wait list, im also going to begin hypno-therapy. im pretty scared about the hypnosis, but im at such a loss of what to do/where to go that i'll try anything. i'll be recording my sessions with this lady because... well... i have to in order to remember what's happening w/me right now. she's about as costly as stephen, but i can pay her in weekly installments so that really helps. i think i need the hypnotherapy vs. anything else because its different than any other counseling sessions i have had before. i dont know how i will react/handle this kind of therapy but i havent tried this before... and i just dont know what else to really do to feel like i have my life back, you know? i think the hypnosis will help me tap into the really bad/hard stuff i have shut out for so long - its this stuff that just runs me over like a freight train when i least expect it and then i just crumble for days.
my last counselor at the rape crisis center did a lot of hands-on therapy w/me, such as recognizing boundaries and learning to not be scared of touch anymore. this will still be a very difficult struggle for me - esp. when it comes to relationships/dating. im going to ask to start seeing her again, too, because i am (age) and realizing that the older i am getting, the more scared i become of living in this whole wide world.
my plate is definately full these days. i just wanted to say thanks for not only stephen's phone number, but just for the open door you and doug have always provided for me. just when i think things are getting better, life throws me a curveball and i feel like i am back at square one. i know that is not the case - the practical, logical & rational part of me recognizes that time DOES keep moving forward all the while im trying to get my life back, but... i dont know what it is that is keeping my heart from recognizing the same truth.
anyhow, my rambling aside, i have to keep reminding myself that, like you said, i cannot do this alone. and i don't have to do it alone. as much help as i need, i have to remember that its out there for me... i just have to be brave enough to choose it. so thanks for helping me choose to stay in the game... just because i didnt choose my team doesnt mean i still cant play to win.
(the missing link)
If you are a rape survivor, I beg you to not give up like I have wished too many times to count. Remember The World would not throw us any curveballs unless we are able to dodge them or, better yet, hit 'em out of the park.
My rapist was a baseball player.
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2006 21:26:49 -0800 (PST)
From: (The Missing Link)
Subject: Re: angela shelton and stephen
To: (Landlord/Neighbor/Dear Friend)
hey nancy... just wanted to say thanks for stephen's number - but more that, thanks for the constant reminders that i do need help w/this... more than i may know. i have tried all kinds of counseling - group at (college), one-on-one at the rape crisis center and even reading on this stuff on my own. but its not over for me for some reason or another. despite how drained i am and how long my nights are, i have to keep trying, right?
after playing phone tag for a little while, stephen and i finally connected. he's placed me on both of his waiting lists and we'll see which one provides an opening first. after that, we'll see what happens. he is pretty costly, but i figured that i can have the $$ saved by then - at least for the initial appt because i have to try. he did say he can connect me w/more affordable people in town if i prefer, but im going to give him a shot.
in addition to stephen's wait list, im also going to begin hypno-therapy. im pretty scared about the hypnosis, but im at such a loss of what to do/where to go that i'll try anything. i'll be recording my sessions with this lady because... well... i have to in order to remember what's happening w/me right now. she's about as costly as stephen, but i can pay her in weekly installments so that really helps. i think i need the hypnotherapy vs. anything else because its different than any other counseling sessions i have had before. i dont know how i will react/handle this kind of therapy but i havent tried this before... and i just dont know what else to really do to feel like i have my life back, you know? i think the hypnosis will help me tap into the really bad/hard stuff i have shut out for so long - its this stuff that just runs me over like a freight train when i least expect it and then i just crumble for days.
my last counselor at the rape crisis center did a lot of hands-on therapy w/me, such as recognizing boundaries and learning to not be scared of touch anymore. this will still be a very difficult struggle for me - esp. when it comes to relationships/dating. im going to ask to start seeing her again, too, because i am (age) and realizing that the older i am getting, the more scared i become of living in this whole wide world.
my plate is definately full these days. i just wanted to say thanks for not only stephen's phone number, but just for the open door you and doug have always provided for me. just when i think things are getting better, life throws me a curveball and i feel like i am back at square one. i know that is not the case - the practical, logical & rational part of me recognizes that time DOES keep moving forward all the while im trying to get my life back, but... i dont know what it is that is keeping my heart from recognizing the same truth.
anyhow, my rambling aside, i have to keep reminding myself that, like you said, i cannot do this alone. and i don't have to do it alone. as much help as i need, i have to remember that its out there for me... i just have to be brave enough to choose it. so thanks for helping me choose to stay in the game... just because i didnt choose my team doesnt mean i still cant play to win.
(the missing link)
posted by The Missing Link at 2/16/2006 05:31:00 PM
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