Monday, August 05, 2013

Monday is not Wednesday

Wow. So the last time I posted was just before I ran the half marathon?! That's way too long ago. And I feel horrible that I said I'd write every Wednesday. Today isn't Wednesday but here I am checking in.

At the immediate moment, I'm sick and trying to not get overwhelmed with work, grad school, trying to find a new job and possibly moving in a few months. Not to mention that I have a field study and research paper that has me completely consumed and confused.

This thing about working FT and going to grad school FT is fucking crazy! It's great to have something positive to focus on, though.

That's my one piece of advice for everyone out there struggling with their rape. For me, forcing myself to pursue my dream after years of only thinking about it and wishing for it was the hardest, but best, thing for me. It's helped me to feel somewhat alive again - doing what I love to do again. It's been tough trying to find a happy balance with everything life demands of you, but I know this crazy schedule and work load isn't forever, and I can feel myself learning and growing so much it's incredible.

Especially with the processing of my life experiences. Since I started grad school and have been able to focus again on reading and writing, I feel my perspective shifting when I reflect on my past. I can't quite explain it just yet - it's something I'm still in the middle of, I think... it's something I still think about constantly on a daily basis and wonder who am I?

Do you ever ask yourself that? "Who am I?"  I'm sure you do - you that was raped. It's still surreal to me that it happened to me because I am so social and happy and outgoing and unless I told you, you would never have known I had such a dark side. But yep, I do.

Boyfriend just back from the grocery store... that means I'll write more later... :)

Love you all

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