MANTRA: Precious

Every time I turned on the radio this weekend, this song had played - including right now, this morning. I didn't listen to the words until I was driving back Saturday night from another mini road trip to clear my stuffy head... I was thinking about my friend who killed herself. That's another story I'll tell you... when I'm ready.

Didn't sleep again last night - up every hour. What a royal pain in the ass. And now back to being the only girl working with fifty men. Sweet... Surrounded by the enemy.

I know my life won't always be so confusing. I know I won't always have nightmares and panic attacks and lightening rod memories of my rape. I know it will get easier. I know that sometimes it just takes longer than others to accept and heal from this new life we did not choose, but were thrown into. This new life that is so foreign, blinding and foggy that even when I do get a moment's peace at a time, it makes my pain all worth it... because whatever is growing inside of me, this new life, this new understanding, this remodeled heart and soul, it is making me whole again. It is very painful and extremely draining, but if I have survived everything else thus far, there is no reason I can't survive my... well... survival.

Artist: Depeche Mode
Song: Precious

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes
He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give