Thursday, April 27, 2006


I didn't know how her death was going to affect me.

Today, I came home after a long day and found myself looking forward to another usual weekend away with her.

But it wasn't until after I finished writing my last post... and on my way to my fridge to stash my pizza... that I realized:

She is gone.

I can't visit her this weekend.

I fell to my floor, pizza box in hand.

I cradled my face in my hands and lay on my floor, unable to do anything else but cry and cry because she is dead and I can't ever go to see her, talk to her about life, touch her soft skin, hold her soft hands, play with her soft her, help care for her...

I am so sad.

I am starting to cry all over again.

I hate that she is gone.

She was the only person, the only home, I ever went to when I needed to feel safe and alive.

I am so angry she is dead.

I am so angry I dressed her for her funeral.

I am so angry I gave her eulogy.

I am so angry I can never see her again.

... Mother's Day is around the corner...

I haven't talked to my family since her death.

I don't want to.

I don't care...

I just want her back...


Blogger ....!!.... said...

But perhaps if you should find that a particular link is no longer available, please let me know.

4/27/2006 10:29 PM  
Blogger jumpinginpuddles said...

when i lost my mum the first of everything was hard, she passed away in six weeks from diagnosis to death. I nursed her till she died and ive blogged about it look for mum part one two and three maybe reading those will help just look at the archives.
For me grief took a year and when it did it was awful but releasing. You have EVERY right to miss and feel for her and sometimes little things get to us the most.
Please be easy on yourself, even with a pizza box in hand. Know we understand having been through this and as for ......!!.... go back to where you came from because what you said was stupid.

4/28/2006 2:31 AM  
Blogger albert said...


Just out of curiosity, when is your Birthday?

4/28/2006 10:10 AM  
Blogger The Missing Link said...

JP - I'm confused w/your comment, but it's okay because whatever I previously commented (but have now erased), I wrote when I was drunk. I was very emotional and struggling with her death... whatever it was I wrote, it was written while my laptop screen was, literally, a blur from crying so much... realizing my favorite person is gone now. I do remember my words, but I am also confused with what impulsed me to say those words. Just angry at everyone in general these days, I suppose... Sorry... sure didn't mean to offend/upset anyone... just tired, confused, and struggling...

4/28/2006 10:21 PM  
Blogger The Missing Link said...

Albert - it's November 17th.

I had planned on picking a new day to celebrate my birthday... but I don't know about that anymore...

As painful as it is, as ironic as my life is, I don't want to deny the truth, for "the truth shall set you free."

Thanks for reading, revisiting & commenting... hope you continue to do so!

4/28/2006 10:29 PM  
Blogger albert said...

I was thinking that you might be a Scorpion sister.

Hmm, considering our traits for not letting things go (hey, by all means, I'm not trying to tell u to let it go) easily, I just want to tell you that I am proud of your abilities to "maintain" your sanity and strenght.

I will come back often.

Carpe Diem.

p.s. mine is 15th.

4/28/2006 11:18 PM  
Blogger jumpinginpuddles said...

lol you havent offended me now im confused :P

4/29/2006 2:08 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Copyright 2006 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing and photocopying, recording or by any other information storage or retrievel system, without permission in writing from the publisher.