Friday, July 28, 2006

Random Thought:

A best friend is getting married in less then two months, and I couldn't be happier. I am SO excited and flattered to be a part of her big day. I mean, this shit's apparently a really big deal. I don't consider myself a girly girl by any means - I have NEVER thought about my wedding, marriage or anything of the sort. I don't know... all of that settling down stuff really freaks me out.

Except here's the flipside of all that. As excited and thrilled as I am to celebrate with my best friends nonstop for the next two months, it's kind of really hitting my heart a little hard that: Getting to this point in my life with someone seems so impossible and hopeless. I know that sounds really depressing, but I've reached such a point that I don't even trust my own family anymore. I mean, would you after your cousin aired your rape to people she shouldn't?... and said you were having trouble sleeping because of your "cocaine withdrawals"?... yeah, she had me kicked out her house after that. That was the day I drove back to the house I was raped in. I don't remember the drive... I don't remember what really happened before that... I was just there. Sitting in front of that house.

Wow. I haven't thought about that day in a long time.

The 10th anniversary of my rape is coming up. I'm silently starting to freak out. It feels weird that it's taken me 10 years to admit I was raped. It's taken me 10 years to not feel ashamed of what happened to me...

Stoned rambling aside... I can't believe my birthday and this huge anniversary is around the corner. I have no idea how I'm going to celebrate this birthday, but I'm definitely going BIG. I deserve it. Fuck Jay.


Blogger jumpinginpuddles said...

i hope you enjoy the wedding your birthday and many other nice events heading your way :)


7/29/2006 3:59 AM  
Blogger The Missing Link said...

thanks JIP!! this feels like a new beginning for me, too, in a way - so glad it's time to celebrate nonstop with my best friends :) i need it!! xo

7/30/2006 9:55 AM  

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