Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Q & A

Text Message to Best Friend, Female - 02/16/06, 5:12 pm:
ME: Can I ask you something in total confidence? Just need your honesty.
T: Of course.
ME: Why do you think my rape is still so hard for me to process sometimes?
T: Because you didn't really deal with it until after a lot of time has passed. And maybe because you don't have much family support since they don't know.
Text Message to Best Friend, Female - 02/20/06, 4:29 pm:
ME: Can I ask you something in total confidence? Just need your honesty.
A: Of course.
ME: Why do you think my rape is still so hard for me to process sometimes?
A: Well, I'm not really sure what you've been doing the last year to heal but from what I knew before, I think you were not open or honest with your feelings. You pulled away from counselors when you didn't agree or if they struck a cord. Maybe with your anger you blame yourself also. Could be anything. But I think it's something that will always be with you. You just need to accept.
Email to Best Friend, Female - 02/27/06, 19:48:06
why do you think my rape is still so hard for me to process sometimes???

asking you because you are one of the few people who know my heart so well... just need your honesty...

(Reply) - 02/28/06, 15:17:38
I think it is harder for you to get over because you pushed it away for so long and are only now dealing with it (which is completly natural). I think it is a hard thing for anyone to deal with. I know that if you keep dealing with it in the present it will eventually become easier. I'm not saying that it will be something that you will ever forget, but instead something that will be less on your mind. I think it is important that you keep seeking therapy on a regular basis because it is not something that you can deal with on your own. And if you are trying to deal with it on your own, I can only imagine that it will take that much longer to get through (if you even ever will). I also think that it is important to remind yourself everyday that you are a special, amazing person. It is important that you build your self-esteem back up so can you tackle this one step at a time. And also to remember that your rape took away a piece of you that you can never get back, however, there is still so much of a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent person left. The good parts of you are still here and she is the person you need to concentrate on now. I am not sure if that makes any sense. I am just writing from the heart.

I love you and if you ever need anything, let me know.


Blogger survivor said...

ML - you seem to have some amazingly supportive friends! Glad you have people you can lean on to help and support you through this. Keep your head up! And thank you so much for all your wise words and kindness.

Take care of you

3/01/2006 7:45 AM  
Blogger The Missing Link said...

Many thanks back to you, too... So much you write about seems to be words pulled out of my own confusing and tired little body. It's amazing how much support you can gain from people you don't even know! Remember, you just have to figure out what it is you need to do today to make tomorrow better for yourself... And there will be a tomorrow for us, Survivor... that is our right. Our abusers will not, and cannot, EVER take that away from us...


3/01/2006 9:28 PM  
Anonymous Beauty said...

I like this post, there's a wistful quality to it.

Rape is, well I think it's something we never totally get over. Maybe it would be odd if we did?

I don't know the details of your story. For myself, I was sexually abused for seven of my childhood years. I'm in my fifties now, and feel as if during the past few years I've just begun to come to terms with what was done to me.

Be gentle with yourself, if you can. There is no time limit on grieving. Everyone heals at their own pace, but healing of this sort is a slow process.

Grace yourself with gentleness and time as I'm sure you would do for a friend who was struggling with such issues.

Take care,

2/17/2008 8:34 PM  

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