Why I Run...

Running has been my favorite outlet since high school. I used to always leave the house and go for a long run when I didn't want to be around my dad... which was usually after a bad night. And especially after I was raped, running and writing became my ONLY outlets. But I think I might need surgery on my knee, so running has been difficult the last few years. Usually a mile or so into my run, my knee locks and I can barely walk. I end up limping like a dipshit all the way back home. And to this day, after running five to ten miles a day for 12 years, I still don't know if I was running away from something or running towards it.

Yeah, I know - random running story. Just smoked to fall back asleep... been up for two hours already - how frustrating!

Another ex-boyfriend called me out of the blue yesterday. Questions Fanatic. I forgot about him (a good thing), until his call. He lives out of town but was in my neighborhood for a musician friend's show. I didn't call him back. A friend is having a pool party this weekend... there is a very good chance Questions Fanatic will be there since he's in the same group of friends - I didn't even think about this until he called me. Now I don't even want to go to this party - I just don't really like being around him. He makes me feel "icky." And if we're drinking together, we usually end up hooking up. Even though it's been a year since I've seen him, I don't want to leave any room to keep making that mistake. And yes, he's a mistake.

I'm smoking so much pot lately because Life is really fucking weird right now. I can't even get into right now because - thank God! - I'm falling back asleep. Hopefully I can catch another two hours before my alarm pisses me off...