Sunday, September 10, 2006

Boyfriend

I wish I had a boyfriend.

Especially after having days and nights in the Emergency Room like yesterday.

I don't know what makes me not "girlfriend material," but apparently I have something that just hasn't clicked with someone else.

I know when you want it, when you wish you had that love and support, when your heart needs that unconditional love and understanding, you can never find it.

It finds you.

It took me an hour to take a shower just now. I'm so wiped out. I can still see the marks all over my body where they put those stickers they plug in wires to monitor your heart rate, etc.

I don't know what's happened to me this year. I don't know what this world is putting me through.

I'm so drained and spent.

I wish I had a boyfriend who could come over and hold me, gently caressing the small of my back as I fall back asleep. Softly stroking my hair and holding me so I wouldn't have any nightmares.

I wish he was here, whoever he is... wherever he is...

12 Comments:

Blogger Lynn said...

I'M here. I think I understand some of what you are going through. Just don't visit my site right now if you might be triggered. I'll come back and listen should you like to vent.

9/10/2006 5:45 PM  
Blogger jumpinginpuddles said...

im so sorry so so sorry

Sa'de

9/10/2006 7:05 PM  
Blogger Breeya said...

I think I understand how you feel.
We all want to be loved and nurtured, and hold.
I wish you had that too.

I wish I had that too.
I have a boyfriend, and I know he loves me, and he as been woth me through a lot, but it hasn't been perfect as you wish (or I wished) it would be.
I don't want to be negative but I think it ever is. Not perfect. And if we put so much hope on a relationship I think one is set to get hurt.
I wish you find a person you feel comfortable with, and you love and loves you back. That supports you.
Even more I wish, things get better for you, and you don't feel the "need" of that especial person so much, but you just want it as we all do.

I wish life gets easier for you, and you find yoursefl feeling good on your skin, safe and deserving.
I wish you can feel like that with or without boyfriend.

I am sure a boyfriend will come, but I do belive that real well being comes from within.

I am here for you whenever you need a chat (and I think so is many other people).

9/12/2006 5:56 AM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Good Lord, girl. You don't have to tell us what happened, but I hope you're okay. Okay. Whatever that means, right? I'm going through a particularly rough time myself right now--really need that retreat center we both dream of. But, I just had to see what was going on with you and let you know you are, as always, in my thoughts and I'm always sending out those healing vibes.

9/15/2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger NWO said...

I hope your pain passes. Your loving heart is what wants that touch, that hug, that stroking. I hope that loving heart is what you become.

9/16/2006 8:05 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

Hey Darlin,

Man, I read your blog and it reminds me of me. Its tough to be a survivor. I wont like to you, I landed in the hospital a few years ago trying to take my life. I also was raped....and know how tough it is.

I recently broke up with the love of my life after being with him for 10 years. At first, it killed me and hurt....but my overall lesson is that I had to learn to love myself enough before taking any further steps.

I hope that you find the love that you are looking for, but I am here for you to vent should you feel the need.

Look at everyone who is here to support you.....you ARE LOVED.

9/16/2006 5:56 PM  
Blogger Dr. Deborah Serani said...

I hope you will find that someone and the he will find you too.

9/17/2006 6:44 PM  
Blogger survivor said...

Hey ML - what matters most is that you are OK, not that you tell us what happened.

Hope you find that special someone...

9/19/2006 6:14 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

Dear Moderator / Group Members,

I am looking or help from either the moderator or any active members of this group in getting out important child safety bulletins to your members.

GCF, a non-profit group dedicated to child safety and wellness, publishes a free newsletter containing articles and tips for parents. We distribute this newsletter so that sites such as news groups and forums can republish the information for the benefit of their members. This 100% commercial free mailing is sent out once a month and contains important information on how parents can protect their children from a variety of dangers. It can then be posted and make a great addition to your site that your members will enjoy and be thankful for.

If you can help us in the fight for child safety, please send us your e-mail and the group(s) and/or sites you represent, to info@keepyourchildsafe.org and we will get you your first newsletter.

Thank you for your time and we hope we can serve your group.
www.keepyourchildsafe.org

9/21/2006 7:17 AM  
Anonymous Friend said...

God has someone out there for you. I pray that you'll find comfort in Him. Wish I could be there to support you through this...all I have though are my words!

9/27/2006 7:05 PM  
Blogger flic said...

You're right, it finds you!

9/27/2006 8:57 PM  
Blogger eschum said...

Hey...I know how you feel...but you need to do what you want to do.

11/14/2007 5:11 AM  

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